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Exorcism

by Ryan M. Brewer

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freshmare
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freshmare Darkness sometimes allows us to see light sources we weren't aware of before. Ryan M. Brewer's songs definitely belong to the most noteworthy of my discoveries of the time of the Covid-19 pandemic. Perhaps it's also the right time for such musical storytelling? Favorite track: Aphrodite.
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1.
It's Ladies' Night, they swim six deep. I'm casting lines and she's biting. She takes it all in; she sips dark wine. She's casting her pearls before swine. I'm enthralled because she's enthralling. My interest is appalling. After all, I'm falling for another. She's saving it up - collecting pain 'til it rusts. It's eating away at her insides. She settles me down - a smile for every caustic frown. I know I don't deserve all her sunlight. We're all out on the precipice - screaming 'til we're breathless. Our own voice (bloody reckless) echoes back. And the Sin Eater is wired to hear the tattered choir. It rattles around inside her. Will she crack? Each girl is a bottle that I can't help but bobble - watch it drop and shatter to the floor. I can't elaborate, but the water does evaporate. I'm left with less and wanting more. "You know what, fuck it." I mumble. "I need another girl to fumble." But it's piling up fast - the shattered glass. My feet leave bloody tracks that betray my path in ways I can't sweep under the rug.
2.
A late autumn breeze is rattling trees. I'm digging deep inside a mine of memories - looking for a lump of coal to wring out like a rag. I squeeze diamond dust out on this notepaper pad. From every ray of light I squeeze and shake - a burst of color; fall leaves to rake... to rake and remember like legal tender so I can buy my way out of this slump. She was a saint then. I was a good Catholic boy. She was Baby's first most dangerous toy. It was harder, then, to shutter a scene so Mama martyred them to keep The Kid's hands clean. Every cracked angel whose song I heard - she propped them up so she could huff and puff and blow them back down to Earth. A heart to break, a kiss to take... to take and remember like legal tender so I can buy my way out of this slump. Looking back, it's simple math - shit colored 20/20 glasses. It's plain to see now, that the past - it kicked all of our asses. History has its share of sinners and saints, villians and heroes. It's easy to think we'd all come out smelling like relative roses. She was my first real role on my first big stage. I was her first real boy - her last big mistake. She tried to advertise - I went hard in the paint. She tried to posterize, nose grew like a list of complaints... In every storm she culled, I capsized. She swallowed each shipwreck with bloodshot eyes - green eyes I remember like legal tender so I can buy my way out of this slump.
3.
Ashes and dust. Ruin and rust, my trust in the saints. Oh Raphael - damn it to hell with St. Valentine. You came out kicking. I was doused in gin and art in the Ol' O'Leary barn of my old Chicago heart. The wind was up to fan the flames. Good luck trying to contain an errant spark. Bring me holy water to cleanse my soul. Beauty's broken daughter... you burn this whole city down. My dough was rising... so, much to my chagrin, there was a fire that conspired to bludgeon our whole old and merry London. The wind was up to fan the flames. Good luck trying to contain with your firebreak garrison. Bring me holy water to cleanse my soul. Beauty's broken daughter... you burn this whole city down. Down on Rush Street, they're all praying "Hail St. Florian! Dear Westminster, please administer a curse on old Tom Farynor. Ashes and dust. Ruin and rust, my trust in the saints. Oh Raphael - damn it to hell with St. Valentine. Bring me holy water to cleanse my soul. Beauty's broken daughter... you burn this whole city down.
4.
Platitudes 04:56
"When it starts that way, it'll end that way too." "You can't polish a turd or turn a whore into a housewife who's going to love you. When a young man tries, the only thing he'll get is old." "It makes the days seems short, but when the light goes - that's when the night grows long and cold." I've been around the block a few times... watched the hands float 'round the clock a few times. I've been beat down, I've been dragged around this town. But what goes around must come around... Honey, I'm around you now. Honey, I'm around you now - wrapped around your finger safe and sound. Honey, I'm around you now. "When it ends that way, it'll leave you gunshy." "You can't stop the world from turning." "You can't stop the fire from burning... so dip the wick in, boy, and let it burn bright white!" I've been around the block a few times... watched the hands float 'round the clock a few times. I've been beat down, I've been dragged around this town. But what goes around must come around... Honey, I'm around you now. Honey, I'm around you now - wrapped around your finger safe and sound. Honey, I'm around you now. I remember the way I felt. Like, in a moment, my umwelt was burnt to the floor. I went from svelt to svelter. I was living helter-skelter. I could have sworn I felt her when I awoke in the middle of the night. But she was nowhere to be found when I needed help making sense of the strange, strange sounds. She was never around. Honey, I'm around you now. Honey, I'm around you now - wrapped around your finger safe and sound. Honey, I'm around you now. Honey, I'm around you now. Honey, I'm around you now - wrapped around your finger safe and sound. Honey, I'm around you now.
5.
Aphrodite 03:57
What am I doing right now? The gutters are clean. I raked all the leaves, but I mean... where am I at right now - mentally? I'm shaking. I feel like breaking all the glassware in the cabinet. If this is "the life" they can have it, because I don't want them to see me falling on my knees. Aphrodite - high and mighty - I'm low and weak, morose and meek. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me... no. What are you doing right now? You're under his body. You're treating him naughty, but I mean... where are you at right now - mentally? Are you shaking from the love you're making? I know whatever he wants, he can have it. Did you offer it up or did he grab it because you didn't want him to see you falling on your knees? Aphrodite - high and mighty - I'm low and weak, morose and meek. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me... no. You can fight a war without a sword. You can't walk away without a door. You can't wreck a home without a whore... or so they say. Aphrodite - high and mighty - I'm low and weak, morose and meek. Aphrodite - high and mighty - I'm low and weak, morose and meek. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me. If I inherit the world, they'll never give it to me... no.
6.
They say "Don't count your hens before their shells break." "Don't load up one basket with all of your eggs." But I threw down the cash for the cow long before our first date. You did my whole body so good from an ocean away. I've got a secret, it's high time I tell - it's 4:20 somewhere, so... honey, what the hell? Here goes nothin' - I loved you, Day One. I may scream fire and brimstone or cry like a saint, because you can't fix the wiring with a fresh coat of paint. My body is a temple enclosed in a castle of hope. My heart is your holiest holy - no others cross the moat. I've got a secret, it's time I confess - this bed is our church now, so... honey, what the heck? Here goes nothin' - I loved you, Day One. False prophets and pharisees come calling my name. Their sacrament is sweet, but girl... saviors - they ain't. They're helium harem of hollowed out cherubs all pretty in pink, but the halos they're wearing can't shine on their own! They're polished up stone - they reflect what they're shown. I'm lit up bright white with the love that you glow. They'll deflate and float back down below. I've got a secret, it's my turn to share - call me an addict, but... honey, who cares? Here goes nothin' - I loved you, Day One.
7.
Sent to save me, to wreck me, destroy me or protect me... Fate, it seems... she uses these angels and these muses to light my many fuses. After all resentment and hating for these gorgeous ghosts all fading... adore them all the more - they press me forward. The billows and the furnace built to forge a pen that's stronger than the sword. I'm much more than I was before they met me... before I turned and let them let me go. All I know is I'm thankful for these muses and these angels. Sirens singing... drowning out the warning bells all ringing. Their copying Mnemosyne's abuses... their demons for her Muses. Afterall, beauty blinds the eye and drowns the eardrum's duty. It turns the winds the oar-men can't defend... a message in a bottle Hope can send contends the pen is stronger than the sword. I'm much more than I was before they met me... before I turned and let them let me go. All I know is I'm thankful for these muses and these angels. Sent to save me, to wreck me, destroy me or protect me... The billows and the furnace built to forge a pen that's stronger than the sword. I'm much more than I was before they met me... before I turned and let them let me go. All I know is I'm thankful for these muses and these angels.

credits

released July 28, 2020

All songs written, recorded and performed by Ryan M. Brewer
*Except "Angels and Muses", written and performed by Ryan M. Brewer and Katie Pederson
Bass on "Platitudes" performed by Sean Muzzi
All songs mixed by Ryan M. Brewer and John Fishell
All songs mastered by Ryan Michael Gibbons

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Ryan M. Brewer Alexandria, Indiana

A singer/songwriter by trade, Ryan M. Brewer is more accurately described as a traveling musical storyteller. Having always placed the primary importance on lyricism, his songs tend to float effortlessly between genres...each one falling precisely where it needs to in order to most accurately tell the story. And that's all that matters - songs and stories. ... more

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